|
april thru december 2007
i returned home from Brazil to find things changed, and it disturbed
me to deal with the changes. it felt like time had been and was
being lost and i became preoccuppied with an invasive repetitional
inner dialogue. painting and physical projects helped, but hampered
with a damaged rotorcuff, even my physical abilities were limited.
it was my art and the reception that it was receiving that pulled
me thru this period and what could have been damaging, transformed
into being an insight of family dynamics that i'd needed. only
later would i realize this, reading and thinking about the book
'The Art of Stalking Parallel Perception' by Lujan Matus. The
shadow was stalking me.
"See that these imprints are like an ethereal landing pad
that exists within that transparency and when the shadow applies
pressure on these sites what invariably escapes is our energy,
which then becomes a source of sustanance for those beings. This
phenomenon is echoed in our behaviors towards each other, as petty
enactments to trigger awarenenss into states of egocentricity
and justification, which establishes the limited avenues of preoccupation
neded to sustain more energy released. As you know this creates
a perpetual cycle of excited gluttony for the shadow. When that
energy is released, our power is redirected away from our true
purpose. When people unconsciously enact their dysfuctions upon
one another, thinking that these states of being are theirs to
possess, they must realize that they are not the possessors, but
rather they are being possessed by the pre-arranged phenomenon."
"As children we are given internal repetitious talk from
our immediate environment and once the inherited imprint has been
established through routines, the next generation further refines
that inheritance through practice and adapts it to the present
day. What drives this imprint is the shadow through accessing
those implanted imprints, enlivening emotion and justifiable self-serving
rationalization through that narrow avenue of preoccupation, not
only on an individual basis but within a collective network. This
hidden network is initiated thhrough intention, reinforced internally
and then emotionally sustained. Remember, these imprints are so
insidiously stationed that once triggered, they become self-sustaining
through habitual identification, yet that usable network only
connects in our realm if we are stabilized and fixed within familiar
routines. If these routines are dismantled witin the living construct,
the shadow will then have less opportunity to implant itself."
perhaps what's been most notable to me personally, was that i
KNEW that this change of routine was what was needed. but only
later did i open that book to better understand why. for this
and many other reasons, whatever it is, this path i am on, it's
to be mine and not to be imposed upon me. a path with heart.
tom jones, rio de janeiro, december 2007
|