January 2007 - Harry Bush, were it not for him ...

it's been a mild month of clouds and rain here in Rio de Janeiro. not tourist weather at all, but i'm no longer a tourist, feeling home here as anywhere. the painting is going fine, and i put the world on autopilot and let the days linger. back home in North Carolina the morning glories are frozen withered on the vine.

travel seems to keep everything in tune. what's wrong there seems somebody else's fault. what's a problem there is just a rock in a river i've flowed around. what's wonderful will embed itself forever and what's a waste is left behind, and hopefully somebody can make something good out of it.

so far, so good. living is pleasure and little remorse and aging is easier than imagined in the world of art, friendship and intimacy. while methodists and others war on their way, i enjoy more than ever being gay and at peace with the world. bob dylan sings us forward, surfers are surfing, kids and old folks show the way to be or not to be in a world that is big and complex, terrifying and wonderful. tomorrow, the forecast is for the sun to come out and then it will be raining men. all over this city, shirtless, in shorts and swimsuits, buses and beaches full of them. so many men, so little time.

Harry Bush art was inspirational in my development. Tom of Finland's Kake was a figure that at times I fantasized and tried to emulate, but Harry's guys let me know what i already had when i was too naive to know it. a Harry Bush drawing empowered and motivated me - i profoundly wanted to be as desired, as physically exceptional, and uncommonly common.

in this journal section and elsewhere on the web i've given my own personal reactions and feelings about Harry, but for now i still can't want to share the letters he wrote to me when his art career was officially over and mine was just beginning.

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update July 2010: i've deleted the links to more of the letters. it seems others can't resist the temptation of copying them and putting them on their own site. even if their site has more traffic and clout than mine, i don't like it. .for those of you who are intrigued, this should be clue enough-

"ad,
to think i actually had you in my will as recipient of several of my
favorite pieces.

after two years of neglect, and just being busy with other things i
visit your site to find all my harry stuff shown with copy clear, in
complete betrayal of your promise to blur it. going further you show his letters without even asking permission. everything has limits ad, and you've stepped over the line.

you've put yourself the category of all those who knowingly ripped off
Harry. you're a hypocrite, declaring yourself to respect the art and
artist while putting it on your own site, with your own commentary, for
your own purposes.

say you do it for the general good, say it's the pot calling the kettle
black, say whatever, but you know you've betrayed me and our agreement. ironic isn't it, that this betrayal epitomizes all harry experienced and what stopped his artistic motivation. sweet.

tom"