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July 2005- Post
Card from Hell
Abdullah is a name given to a Muslim boy, meaning servant of
God.
Some of you may not know that I lived by the Mediterranean Sea
in Lebanon a year or so and was a show dancer there. Just a few
weeks after my boyfriend arrived from Sweden I had a big run-in
with the management of the Casino where I was performing and they
threatened me with deportation. Being my usual spunky self I grabbed
my passport and headed downtown to get an extension as a tourist
added to my work visa, so they couldn't kick me out until I was
ready to go. At the Visa office there were five or six different
windows at which to apply - a window for regular tourists, a window
for government workers, a window for menial laborers, etc. I was
directed to the last window - the sign, printed in both Arabic
and English was 'Artists, Entertainers and Prostitutes":-)
Any male in that line had the awareness that even they were discrete
enough not to list 'Homosexuals' as a separate category, but it
was assumed if we were in that line. What impressed me the most
was what a cool group of people were in my line and how nice the
official was to us. We all got our visas stamped with no hassle
and were welcomed to stay however long we wanted.
.
Ulf and I had wonderful friendships with lots of Muslims, male
and female, young and old, and we rented an apartment on the roof
of a Muslim household. All of us bounced around in the local buses
together and sweated stuffed together in the communal taxis, worked
out and cold water showered at the Beirut gym together and ate
the same delicious food. In the Palestinian camps desperation
grew, but no ill will ever came our way. And yes, when Ulf left
me and went back to Sweden, I had sex with some of those guys
too. But Truth be told I was somewhat a snob (being the lead dancer
in the then-largest Casino stage show in the world) and played
hard to get when I should have been more open to the invitations
and one of the few regrets in life I have is that I didn't have
more sex then and there than I did. Now as then I like Arabs/Muslims
a lot and in my heart there is much concern for their well being.
Now Religious Fundamentalism there is as it is here, but at that
time we swam in a warm sea of tolerance, mutual respect, understanding
and horniness, not knowing that even then the tides were changing.
The oil tar stuck to the beach pebbles and then to our feet was
an omen of bad things to come.
But I did know where I stood then and would stand today in government
bureaucratic lines both here and in that part of the world were
my thoughts transparent. And that parallels how my Muslim friends
are in their lines; except for them it is so much sadder. What's
going on today is ruthlessly tragic and it hits me hard knowing
that wonderful water we knew can't be entered again.
I am melancholic about today's news as is Abdullah. But all I
know to do about it is continue as before - try to outwit an oppressive
management and live life as best I can, and that usually means
being true to oneself and others, laughing with friends and lovers
and being lucky or smart enough to avoid the traps of bullies
and liars and psychopaths.
If there is a Paradise as promised, I have to think the waters
there would be clean, safe, inviting and equally open to all.
A God that provided that would indeed be a God worth serving,
assuming of course, once thru those pearly gates you, like me,
know how and love to swim:-)
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