Possibly the heaviest guy in Santos got his money in 2002 by fraudulently using a credit card that I'd entrusted to him for emergencies only to pig out. But since we weren't intimate, I mostly felt only disdain with the hypocrisy of the fat spiritual Feng-Shui specialist. But with this other guy, we two were intimate and i considered him my best friend.

That fall he emailed that he was going crazy in his Lapa apartment and had found a terrific buy on a new place high in Santa Teresa, above the hustle of downtown Rio, and could I help? I'd helped already a lot- his student loan, a computer and all the peripherals, a trip to the USA, and every meal and event we'd done together. Yet this time he seemed desperately sincere in his need, and as his 'special friend' I imagined myself rising above my misgivings and transferred more than I should have. What happened then was the worst. During my next visit, the Rio summer (Jan-March) of 2003, he changed from friend to antagonist to unknown. First, lots of arguments and criticisms, then no telephone calls, no emails, nothing. Once he owed me money it seemed that he preferred I didn't exist.

But I decided to go again to Rio in March of 2004 - not even the negative experience with those two could dim the appeal of the Marvelous City. Before my trip, out of curiosity, I googled his name and there he was! Selling a cd from his apartment (of which I theoretically owned half) of a session at his terreiro Ilê de Omulu e Oxum de Mãe Meninazinha de Oxum em São João de Meriti (a session at which I'd been present and where my money had built a new shrine for the orixa Exú) from his website - (which I had shown him how to build and had provided all the tools to do it with). Well !!!!

That google search gave me an idea. I emailed him saying that if no payments on his loan were forthcoming that I'd post our transactions on the web. No payments came, just an email indignant saying i was terrible and that he wasn't being respected enough and besides, he had more important things to think about.

Breaking a promise or making a promise that one can't keep can be forgiven and maybe be laughed off eventually, but deliberately sabotaging a friendship?. He'd argue that I am the one not capable of friendship because i'm airing this is public. But this posting isn't about narcissitic satisfaction in making my private frustrations public; I like to think readers of this might identify with or learn from it. Some psychology books instruct that we create these situations for ourselves. Some say these things come to us so that we may resolve issues within ourselves.

Whatever brought me to Brazil is stronger than ever and by showing me what a friend isn't, has let me connect with a guy who, like his city, is marvelous.